Is the pursuit of wellbeing killing the joy in you?
The world has changed, dramatically. One of the benefits of the new world order is that more people
are talking about wellbeing and, hopefully, some are also taking steps to improve it.
Wellbeing in the era of Covid-19 has many dimensions, from how to negotiate boundaries when
working from home to how to have sex safely (not kissing and wearing a face mask help, according
to guidelines by the Terrence Higgins Trust), but the latter is a subject for another blog.
Buried in the plethora of tips and advice on how to improve wellbeing, I can’t help but think that we
are in danger of setting people up for failure by giving them a list of ‘wellbeing tasks’ which are
unattainable and, potentially, not even helpful.
Wellbeing is highly personal and, while we all recognise the foundation stones for wellbeing, backed
up by available research in the field, how each one of us engages with these principles is up to us.
Time and again, I hear my clients saying they feel guilty and inadequate because they are not able to
do everything they think they should be doing to achieve greater levels of wellbeing. It’s not
surprising as the list can be endless. Whilst it can be enjoyable (for some) to embrace all the
different aspects of wellbeing, for others, an endless wellbeing ‘to do list’ can become a draining
chore.
One way of dealing with wellbeing overwhelm is to do less, not more. One of the wellbeing models I
use in my practice, both with individuals and organisations, has only six areas (PERMAH):
Positive emotions
Engagement (fully immersing yourself in an activity; being in flow)
Relationships (strong and positive connections)
Meaning (a sense of purpose)
Achievement (accomplishment)
Health (eating well, moving regularly, sleeping)
Now, how you incorporate these different aspects of wellbeing is deeply personal to you and not a
to-do list. Teams and organisations wanting to improve the wellbeing of their staff also need to take
time to reflect on how they could potentially foster these aspects in the workplace, whilst
considering individual differences and needs. You don’t even need PERMA do that (but I think it is a
useful model).
A good place to start is to reflect on what wellbeing means to you. Take notes if that helps, or draw a
picture, or write a poem. Do whatever suits you in terms of capturing your own version of wellbeing.
From there, think about small daily steps you can take to connect with your personal vision of
wellbeing. I’m a big fan of small things: they can have a significant impact on our lives.
I’ll give you an example of how this approach has helped one of my clients. I will call her Lucy (not
her real name, of course). One of her daily wellbeing to-do lists read something like this: yoga (1
hour), cook at least one meal from scratch a day (1 hour, including sourcing ingredients – this could
take even longer depending on the menu); meditation (30 minutes); read for pleasure (30 minutes);
talk to a friend (30 minutes); paint (30 minutes); write a reflective journal (15 minutes). More
generically, she also had on her list: spend quality time with the children and my partner. All good for wellbeing, right? Of course, but instead of feeling energised and content, Lucy found herself
totally exhausted trying to keep up with her schedule. She also felt frustrated as some of these
activities kept being postponed to the next day, only to be neglected once more as life got in the
way. This is not to say that Lucy won’t be able to build these things into her life, but she may decide
to scale down her choices, so that they bring her joy, instead of misery. Before making these
decisions, I invited Lucy to think about the small things in her life that brought her joy.
Unsurprisingly, many of these little things take nearly no time at all and bring us joy every day, but
we have to notice them. This puts us in a better place to deal with the unavoidable adversities of life
and to make choices about how we want to live out our wellbeing in a way that is kind,
compassionate and generous – not like a strict task master.
There are no three, five, seven, or ten ways to wellbeing. There are billions of ways to wellbeing — as
many as there are people on the planet. Your way is unique and will bring you joy. So give yourself a
break, do less and enjoy more.
- PERMAH is a wellbeing theory developed by Martin Seligman, one of the founders
of positive psychology. According to this model, these are the five core elements of
psychological wellbeing. This model has been empirically tested and can be used to
improve the wellbeing of individuals, teams and organisations.
